CIF Transfer question

My husband took a new job and we just moved to south Orange County (we were in Bakersfield before) and my son is livid and telling me he will not be eligible to play football or basketball for a whole year. A friend of his transferred to our last high school and had to sit out a whole year and my son thinks the same will happen to him. Can you help us in some way? Is there a way to transfer and have your child eligible to play sports? He played both football and basketball at his last school when he was a freshman. He will start this year as a sophomore and he has dreams of trying out for varsity. Do you have any suggestions?

Your son should be fine. A residential move for a child with his parents is not considered a transfer under California Interscholastic Federation (CIF) rules. When he enrolls in his school, he will be immediately eligible to play all of the sports he played at his last school. Those transfer rules that he knew about are in effect only for children who are transferring schools without a residential move. If a child does not move, or if one parent moves, but the other parent continues to reside in the home for which they enrolled their child, that child needs to fill out transfer paperwork to be eligible to attend a new high school. Your son, however, is simply going to a new school, so tell him to get ready to try out for his new team.

Failing kids sometimes have parents to blame

Be careful when advising people to simply "blame" their kid’s problems on "learning problems". My kids is having much of the same issues [as the mom in your column last week], he's the same age and grade. But I see it as my lack of involvement is the real problem.

People have suggested that my son may have some learning problems, but I know this is nonsense due to his complete ability to do other things in life that "he wants to". He can operate a computer in the dark, if he needs to find the latest clothes or the latest skateboard, he has no "problem" then. My kid can do anything he wants when it is in "his" favor.

I suggest you tell that lady to be more active in the learning process, and not buy into the "learning problem” thing. Ask her if her kid gets things done when it's in the kid’s best interest? I bet you her kid has no problem then! Kids aren't dumb either. They pick up on this "learning problem" thing and use it as an excuse. One more sign that kids are "smart."

You make an excellent point and I thought I was clear last week. Last week, my words were, “If a child fails, it is an indication of either a learning problem or an active attempt to do nothing.” You have to rule out the learning problem because there are parents out there looking for excuses. Once you take away the excuse, you make more progress.

There are good parents out there with rules, expectations, and an understanding of their own children, yet their children are still failing. You sound like one of these parents. You have your child’s number, and you are not giving him wiggle room; yet he is not performing. There has to be a constant pursuit for change. Your child, and all children, cannot be allowed to fail. Failing an assignment is much different than failing a class. You cannot let a child flounder for whole semesters or years and still say they are learning from this method. I hope your child has no computer, fashionable clothes, or skateboards to turn to while he is turning away from books. Also (and this comes back to giving an excuse to kids, so you might not want to show him this comment), if your child excels at hands-on technical experiences but is not reading or writing on grade level, there can be learning deficits that should be explored. This does not mean that he should get away with it. His interests may have helped him build skills in one area while ignoring another, but he still needs to read and write. We all need that skill. If he needs remediation, find it for him while he is still in school.

High Schooler failing - what should we do?

What should I make my failing son do over the summer? He is in high school. He failed a lot of classes. He is not special ed. He is lazy.

First, he should attend summer school. If he is failing now, he is mapping a tough route for himself after high school. Focus on making him graduate. Before school is out, make an appointment with his high school counselor to see what he needs to do to graduate. At this point, you might need to explore the school district’s alternative high school. The kids that fail in high school sometimes need to go here to get the credits to graduate. Also, make him get a job, the tougher the better. If he can do any manual labor, hauling, loading, digging, outdoor physical work, sign him up. You need to show him that by failing classes, he is not destined for an office job. No one will hire a child to run an office if he cannot pass high school English or Math. Check to see if any grocery stores need cart retrievers. This is a tough job and it may open a door for a career for him later since grocery stores have positions he might be able to move into if he gets his act together.